Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Band Aids Stuck On Me

If things have gone even remotely according to plan, I’ll be on a white sandy beach somewhere in the Bahamas by the time you read this. At the time of this writing, I feel as prepared as I possibly can be: I’m modeling newly highlighted hair, wearing my 2007 jeans, and feeling fairly loose and agile, after a visit to the chiropractor to adjust the neck and back muscles that got all moved around while working to get back into said 2007 jeans. And I’m sporting an assortment of tiny circular Band-Aids.

Why the adhesive rounds? They’re the result of findings made through a routine encounter with the Discovery Channel’s Scope It Out 30 X magnification device. See, the other evening I was just, well, scoping things out, and decided to take a little look-see at a couple of fairly innocuous looking moles on my arms. For the most part, I observed smooth, uniform surfaces that were of no real interest. One blemish, however, transformed beneath the powers of the Scope it Out’s 30 times magnification into a visual not unlike those seen illustrating certain skin cancers in various Dermatology Brochures.

Now, I’m aware that the Scope it Out is not a cutting edge diagnostic tool, and I’m also aware that, to the trained eyes of particular longtime Readers and Friends, that this is going to read like a Hypochondriac Relapse. Fear not. My hypochondria is still solidly under control. I assure you that I am completely matter of fact and calm about the situation. To the naked eye, the spot in question looks incredibly normal, so what we’re dealing with here is the Actual Possibility that the Scope it Out may become a genuine early diagnostic tool, which would really be rather cool. But as I’m planning a beach week, I decided to err on the side of caution and give the iffy area—as well as a second possibly suspicious spot on the other arm and a strange new mole on the far back side of my left ankle that I can’t reach with the Scope it Out without risking another chiropractor visit—some added protection with the circular Band Aids.

I actually planned to sort of go with the look and flash some colored Band Aids, like the ones I wore like little face tattoos in the late nineties when I had some moles removed for cosmetic reasons, but the only ones I found in stock were boring, flesh colored disks. I’ll keep my eyes open in case I find some cool island Band Aids in the meantime to accent my highlights and my 2007 jeans. Either way, I’ll have plenty on hand to use after I have the spots removed when I get home. Unless I find another Discovery Channel toy in the meantime that can take care of that, too.


Julie Schuler said...

I would just give those moles some sun them, and then have them removed after the vacation. pssht, they are like, the most treatable kind of cancer. So if I had to get one, I'd get that, or thyroid cancer.

Kathleen said...

So very jealous about the Whole Bahamas Thing.

And, hey, look at're some sort of doctory art teacher. Or artistic doctor. Or something like that. Talk about ingenuity.

Pines Lake Redhead said...

I have two circular Band-Aids on me at the moment. They are covering up the holes in my skin from biopsies. Have a great time in the Bahamas but wear your sunscreen!

5thsister said...

Yes...get them checked out upon your return. I have a hemangioma that changed colors and it scares me but the dermatologist allayed my fears. So maybe it's nothing but then again, you can't be too careful.

Enjoy the Bahamas and don't get too close to the ganga man!

Tattoos and Teething Rings said...

Please just enjoy your vacation and check on the moles when you get back.

Have a great time!

Holly said...

Mental note to myself - do not buy one of those scopes. I would be examining myself all day long....there would be no time for blogging.

Jade @ Tasting Grace said...

Hi! Sorry it's taken me so long to comment! I've been out and about too; only barely able to skim some blog posts before coming back much later to comment. But I'm so glad to hear you're getting some time away. That's so great you got to witness the launch. And moley-bits notwithstanding, I hope you have a lovely, lovely, wonderful time at the beach! Can't wait to hear all about it on your return!

Catherine Wannabe said...

How did I miss this post? And what a post!!! You amaze me - the Bahamas post had me crying, this post has me wheezing - you are such a versatile writer.

I'm hoping that Camille thinks the scope is a threat and "kills" it in the night. That would be best for all. How DID the rest of the family allow such a device in the home? They should have predicted the consequences!!! :) LOVE YOU!


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