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Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Warning: Visible Crack. Help Needed.


At the suggestion of my pastor, i am showing some crack today.

In a memorable moment in this past Sunday’s sermon, Pastor Tom discussed the merits of people showing their cracks.  To be fair, he was actually recounting another sermon when he repeatedly used the unfortunate word choice while making a life metaphor concerning a lovely but broken piece of pottery.  Situations like these are why I love Pastor Tom.

Personally, I couldn’t be any more pleased that crack-flashing is spiritually sound, as the cracks at my house are of such a size they are becoming impossible to hide.  So much is falling through the canyon-sized fissures: a ream of student papers, ungraded, all my socks and underwear, keys, wallets, library books, even digital data like emails and picture files.

I’ve never been able to keep it all together, really.  Several months ago I posted a call for applications on facebook.  In clear, inviting language, I announced that I had openings for maids, a cook, butler, chauffeur, under butler, and footmen…especially footmen.  To my surprise, no one responded, not even the unemployed teens among my circle of friends.  Evidently no one is interested in an entry-level position as a footman. The sparse comments simply stated the terse observation that I was watching too much Downton Abbey.  As if that was the only issue.

Honestly, it would take the combined efforts of a whole full time staff of professionals to keep my show in order. I spent a good chunk of the wee hours dealing with racing thoughts springing from my evening in the bubble and worries over whether or not some particularly crisp photos of my garden spider had been mistakenly deleted.  I awoke from a fitful half sleep at pre-dawn and was vaguely concerned as to why the head of a Renaissance statue was in my bed.

You can totally see the head, right??

I was surprisingly calm at the thought of a Cellini or a Michelangelo in my bed and I began to wonder if I should replace the under butler position in favor of an in-house shrink.  I then realized I was sleeping with some creatively bungled laundry that fell through the cracks and onto my bed. Having now displayed my crack and the resulting dirty laundry, I am now in search of a spiritual cleanse and a laundry room attendant.  Interested parties may apply through Facebook.

Ok--so I've showed my crack, now you show yours...(that's the way it works, right?)  What's unseemly in your corner of the earth?



2 comments:

Anonymous said...

What a great post - I feel so understood! Life a a grad student, wife, mom of three, and holder of two part-time jobs I felt like you could have been talking about my life. My current email account currently has 20,448 messages 14090 of which are unread. So when I feel like I've missed a memo, I probably have - it fell through this crack! That for for sharing!

Cynthia Davis said...

A kindred spirit! Thanks so much for sharing...I so understand the email problem. I think I subconsciously let mine pile up--seeing all those memos would just be too stressful!

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