I’ve just issued an APB—All Points Bulletin, for readers who didn’t have the opportunity to absorb a lot of police jargon from 80's prime time TV—on a pair of brown shorts.
Things disappear from our home at a break neck pace: Tupperware, clothing, even food vanishes at a moment’s notice.
Up until now, the default explanation for missing items has always been that they “must have been thrown away.”
But now, thanks to the New York Times, I’m aware that all my stuff just may be headed to Broadway.
According to the Times, Gone Missing is “a comic musical review based on conversations with real New Yorkers,” about the things that were here “just a moment ago” but have since vanished.
Now our x-country trip doesn’t currently include a stop in the Big Apple, but I’m wondering now if that’s a mistake. Perhaps it would be lucrative to pay a visit to the director of the show. After all, I can generate at will a complete new cast of missing items should the troupe be interested in taking the show on the road and, say, doing a Virginia run with some local flavor.
Just this week, hours were logged in search of:
My brown shorts
A black flip flop
Several bags of Ceylon tea
The striped blue sheet
Some prescription drugs
A receipt from the vet
My friend Lori
I’m also curious to ask the director if anyone in New York is searching for the Yankees? They haven’t shown up for their past several games and I’m more than a little concerned.